I miss being home with my girls. They have just finished their first year in traditional school, and we are all on a track that I am not so sure that I am comfortable with. Both parents working full time, kids in school. You can't do it all - that is just a fact. This may be the way most people do it, but I don't have to like it. They are registered for school for next year and they both profess to be happy to continue in school. Troll and I need to continue working. So - we go another year.
I've just got a terrible feeling that they are being cheated out of something better. Maybe it's me that is feeling cheated. Maybe all of us. I don't know - I'm confused.
The oldest - who will graduate middle school next year - has decided that she wants to go to high school. I sit and think, 'Why?' My God, my high school years were horrible. I got nothing out of it but negatives. What we can offer is so much more than what anyone can get going to traditional high school. Homschooling offers fexibility, a much more rigorous standard, freedom to pursue interests within a framwork of necessary core classes, honest evaluation of progress without that arbitrary crap teachers dish out in class, recognition of strengths and weaknesses and responding quickly and appropriately to that, opportunities to participate more fully in the community. Oh - I could go on.
The little one only got 3 years at home. I feel bad about that - like I wasn't able to give her enough. Sure, it was a very important 3 years. Still my heart feels heavy thinking about what she's NOT getting. The rich history and science that was a part of our curriculum, and they just don't have time for in 3rd grade at school. I'm sick over it. She loves school and I admit that there are some good things for both of them there. Just. Is that the reason that we send kids to school? So they can be the class clown or something?
I'm mad that I have to work full time. We were blessed with these girls not to just foist them into a losing system. I'm a mother and I need to BE a mother - - and besides that, kids NEED their mothers. Slaving away 40+ hours p/week on nights, crashing on the couch during the day - how can I be there? How can we have kids just to never see them? It's not right.
My kids were always involved in tons of stuff - with kids and adults of all ages and backgrounds. They are able to deal with different situations beautifully. How long will it take before they're just one of the drones?
Bah! I just have to deal with this situation. I just have to deal with it. Try to find the gratitude - that's the key - and pray for guidance for all of us. That's the best that I can do right now at this moment.