Gratitude

We laid an Aunt to rest today. She died within several months of her cancer diagnosis. This event, along with my middle age changes, has finally impressed upon my mind the certainty of my mortality. I felt quite indestructible until I had my first baby, but that was nothing compared with what I am facing now. We looked around at each other today, and realized with a shock, "We are getting to be the old ones now." There is a host of young ones growing and becoming adults - and we - well we are showing the grays and the lines. What must we look like to them? Pretty soon we'll be the doddering old people who they will be sure to sit together at the same table at the wedding. They'll have some soft food on the menu for us. I am afraid that this feeling is only going to get worse. Time is moving faster and faster.

We were the bad kids not too long ago. The ones the Aunt who just died yelled at for acting like a bunch of asses. Holy Crap.

And my brothers and sisters - which one of us will be putting the others to bed? Who will be the last? How will we face this momentous occasion - the big sleep? When it's breathing down our necks? It's our turn now, to be the ones to send our Mothers and Fathers and Aunts and Uncles safely on their journey. That was THEIR job, but not anymore.

I must remember the gratitude. I must remember to savor every moment with my husband and my children and my friends and family. What a lot of blessings and mostly ignored while I complain about car problems and money is tight. So many people in my life who have been so good to me. Such a beautiful world that I am living in. So much good health and prosperity that we have enjoyed, living in America. I must remember to pass that on. I must remember to stop, think, and understand - to be grateful.